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Danielle Lous | “Courageous Voice” | connect.faith
“If you create a space of non-judgment for your surroundings, it cannot but go on a bigger scale.”
Join us for a beautiful conversation on the importance of non-judgment and our power with singer, actress, and vocal coach Danielle Lous. In this episode we dive into:
- Fighting unuseful judgments
- The reach of our power
- Reframing fear
- Making a difference in community
Today is the day you vow to follow your heart and not your fear. If only it were that easy! The Courageous Voice podcast chronicles international artists, creatives, plus a handful of scientists, and their stories of fear, courageousness and creativity. Hosted by singer, storyteller and self-proclaimed joy spreader, Chanda Rule, The Courageous Voice inspires us to share our voices courageously in spite of our fears through courageous conversation and community.
Chanda Rule: We are so, so super excited to welcome Danielle Lous to the Courageous Voice podcast. Welcome.
Danielle Lous: Thank you!
Chanda Rule: Danielle is, is just a wonderful human being. She is a singer. She is an actress. [00:01:00] She is a coach: an energy and transformational coach, and she works with a modality called Access Bars which she’s going to tell us all about. She’s also doing oh, so many wonderful things that I want to ask about, but, first Danielle, I’m sure that there are so many things that I left out. I know you’re also a mom, a life lover, an ice bath lover. So, so why don’t you introduce yourself to our audience? You know, I’ve been asking people who they are today in this moment, because these things do shift. The things that are more important shift. So, what do you want us to know about you today?
Danielle Lous: I love your question. What, who are you now? These 10 seconds basically. Well, everything I do in life is starting from who are you: like true being, and then whatever you do, whatever you like to choose in life is what I help out with. So it could be singing, and then I’m coaching. It could [00:02:00] be that you have some issues with relationships, and then I coach you there. Could be that you would like to have a voiceover for your company then I give a voiceover. Could be that you require an actress and then I’m acting, it could be that you require anything. And then I like you to have a sensation of more fabulousness in your life. That’s why my logo, it says, “fabulous being.”
So after we interacted, I want you to feel more fabulous and it’s my…
Chanda Rule: Beautiful.
Danielle Lous: Strive in life. If anything would be possible, then I would like us all to go out and be in a world where there’s no judgment anymore, because when there’s no judgment, anything is possible.
Chanda Rule: I read that somewhere that you wrote something about, you were asking the question, what if we can create a planet that’s happy where we are out of judgment? What if we could start right now today with [00:03:00] every choice we make, we create?
And I did want to chat with you about that because for me, that is an immensely courageous statement. You know, what if we could create a planet, that’s happy where we’re out of judgment? And so I’m just wondering, like what your vision of something like that is and how we get there. What would it be step 1, 1, 2 of how we would begin to get to that stage?
Danielle Lous: Every time it’s step one and two. Thanks for asking that. Because it seems so huge. And yet you, you start and stay wherever you are now by being grateful for whatever’s showing up in your choices, in who you are, in who’s around you, in what you’re doing, in your former choices, in what you’d like to create in the future, in what your desires are, in whatever. If you are grateful for anyone or anything, judgment cannot exist, and you can do that with every choice you’re making.
So if you’d like to, for example, [00:04:00] cook dinner and you’d like to make it right or wrong, you’re in judgment already. So you’re just like, okay, what would I like to choose now? Okay. What if I could be grateful for me craving for sugar right now.? Okay, cool. What else is possible here? So you’re not sticky on your points of view about it.
And even when you have points of view, you could even be grateful for those. And then step two, step two, step two. It’s always two more steps to new choices to get you out of judgment of you. And if you’re out of judgment of you, or at least be grateful for you, there’s no need to judge anything or anyone else; you can just be present with it.
And judgment is something different than awareness. You could be aware of something being heavy or sticky or whatever, but that’s something different than judgment. Judgment is a point of view about it. So you charge it basically. So if you get rid of that. And that’s like a muscle you can train whenever you go into judgment: okay, stop. [00:05:00] Hmm. What can I be grateful for here? Cool. What else is possible?
Chanda Rule: Okay.
Danielle Lous: Spaghetti or French fries? What’s better? No, none of them are better. What would I like to choose? Okay, cool. Step 2: choose. So that’s basically really the ease in knowing that you have choice. Like you and I, both are a vocal coach, for instance. We have these, how many, modalities of techniques have we been working on ourselves?
So when we’re coaching others, there’s a bunch of techniques that we can give. And someone has the point of view: I will never reach that note. I’m wrong in what I’m performing. There’s no technique that can go beyond that. Unless someone’s taking out that point of view of judgment, then magic appears, then anything can show up. So you can apply it with anything in life.
Chanda Rule: Yeah. [00:06:00]
Danielle Lous: And that’s, for me, wow. If the world would be out of judgment. What would that be like? That excites me.
Chanda Rule: Yeah. Hmm. I’m thinking about the individual versus the community or versus the system with this. And especially now, like, I feel like my levels of like being positive about humanity and negative about humanity are so up and down, and right now I’m kind of in a valley of like, [groans]. I think about these things and, because I, oh man, I am a huge advocate of, of gratitude.
And I know how transformational gratitude is. On the other hand to me, it doesn’t make sense. So it’s not something I ever try to make sense of, but I know that for me, it works. And at the same time, I’m just wondering, as far as the communal effort of these things, or systematically, cause we’re talking about a change of humanity and we need a change of humanity.
We need to change this. And so then I’m looking [00:07:00] at the reality of being in non-judgment right now. This is a great example of what’s happening in the world and how challenging that is. And I don’t know if it’s challenging because I’m looking at it on the surface and I’m assuming, and I think that’s probably it, that I am, I’m looking at a very surface level of non-judgment and what that is. This could be for something as huge as war; it could be for discrimination. It could be for people in poverty, I don’t know. But there is so much judgment and I feel like, how does one begin to even apply these principles to these huge systems where I think that they really do need, we do need to figure out how to approach these things that way or else we’re never going to get anywhere. How do you move that from the individual to a community?
Danielle Lous: Well, we tend to resonate like a tuning fork to whatever’s occurring. That’s why when you enter a room or when you enter life, you tend to get heavy when there’s war, when there’s separation, when there’s discrimination, dah, dah, dah, dah, doesn’t have to affect you individually.
And yet [00:08:00] you kind of sense that heavy load. So if you look at it like a tuning fork, if you start to tune differently, that will be a change occurring. So you’re not this drop on this heavy, how do you call it? It’s not like your drop doesn’t create anything. We really have to get that.
We, as a being, individually, while not judging start to create change already because your thought has an influence on the inside of a star, for example. Your thought is like a butterfly effect. So if you are choosing it daily and if you create a space of non-judgment for your surroundings, it cannot but go on a bigger scale.
So the minute you think, I’m only me and I cannot change anything, [00:09:00] then you’re actually a slave of the system and you’re not your leader, your leader for change. Look around you. Like, there is not one tree that’s afraid of, will I have leaves this spring, will I have flowers?
Will I even blossom? Maybe I will turn old now. Well, maybe I can not change anything. It just flowers, and by flowering, people get affected by it. And that tree one tree in my garden may not have the influence on the earth. And yet it does, because its influence on me is creating more and more and more. So, what if we would trust ourselves that we do have an influence and only by showing up, going out of your house, going to the grocery store, smiling at people, being grateful for who they be, telling them energetically, Hey, I see you beyond your own judgments.
People relax when you’re being that for someone because it’s not, it’s not [00:10:00] normal here. People really relax. Notice what’s occurring here when we’re talking about it. You’re like, yeah, that will be great.
Chanda Rule: I feel like we’re so lucky to be able to coach people vocally, to be able to work with groups of singers, to be able to sing, because when you’re talking about that, especially when you’re using that example of the tuning fork, just thinking about just the effects of singing with one another. I think that’s a great example of what you’re talking about. I think that it’s so easy to hear, these beautiful principles and say, oh, this is just sounds beautiful, but it’s not going to be practical.
And then I think about these moments of just singing with one another, right. And how we do like tune in with one another. I’m always just in awe of that, especially like, you know, singing, or at a concert where people who are completely different, completely different walks of life, completely different everything, can take that moment [00:11:00] and, and literally tune in with one another for that moment.
Danielle Lous: If we take that stage or that area where people are singing, if we would take that like life’s stage, then all you have to do is show up and you can tune with or without music. And when we lose, when we lose our knowing in that, when we really think that that’s not possible while your point of view creates your reality, then it’s not possible.
It’s the same as walking on stage thinking, I will not influence this audience because your point of view is I will not have an influence here, or you know what? I’m not important here on stage. Let’s just go away or can that, what am I here? The rest of the band is so much better.
That’s how we tend to behave in life. What am I here for? Yes. Ask yourself, what am I here for? You’re here for a reason. No one’s like you. You don’t have to be Gandhi [00:12:00] or Nelson Mandela, or Martin Luther King or John Lennon. You can really start with those around you, with anyone you interact with. And we interact with so many people. We’re just not aware.
Chanda Rule: Yeah.
Danielle Lous: If you run down the street or walk down the street and you know that your energy has an influence on anyone that you meet there down the street… [smiles and gasps]
will you turn your happy on, then? Tune into all the heaviness and you know what, whatever. It’s not going to work anyways.
Chanda Rule: So tell me how you got into this work, or were you always into it?
Danielle Lous: Um, that’s a nice question. Well, as a being, I guess I am. I got divorced in 2013 and then, um, in March, like four months later, I saw these posts on internet by [00:13:00] a former colleague of mine from cats. And it was like, Hmm, that’s nice.
That’s nice. It just lightened me up. So I contacted him and saying, Hey, let’s do a workshop. You do all this crazy stuff you’re doing, I’m doing all this singing stuff. And then people go home happy. And then he started asking me questions and giving me a bunch of tools. And I started to apply it with my ex-husband, where I was totally stuck.
And it changed something into more lightness into… I couldn’t really put my hands on it, but there was… I couldn’t go around it. I was like, something’s changing here, what’s happening, what’s happening? And then I knew if it works here, then I’m starting to use these tools in daily life and, um, apply it to my coaching and apply it to interacting with my kid and interacting with my friends and families and colleagues and dah dah, well life basically.
So I started to take more courses in that, which is just actually allowing you to know that, you know. [00:14:00] Because your knowing is always greater. I can not tell you for you, what works for you.
Only you know. And that’s what this modality is about. And they hand out a bunch of tools and questions and body processes. And one of them is bars and bars is a process on the head and that de-charges the polarity. So basically the addiction to right and wrong. Of this reality, everyone is so into, okay, was this right that I just did?
Should I have said something different? Should I have bought something different. Should I have done something different? That dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, instead of just, okay. Let’s play, let’s pretend it’s like a play garden, like when we were six year olds, but then with grown-up bodies. Then what’s possible? We start to take ourselves so seriously, and align and agree to, you have to live a serious life. What if from play like, like animals are, way more is [00:15:00] available than from mind structure.
Chanda Rule: Yeah. I got a coach to help me through some projects. And that was one thing he said a couple of weeks ago. He’s just like, seems like you’re doing a lot of thinking. There’s too much thinking going on!
Let your mind just separate. Your mind is going to keep thinking. And now, let’s talk about what we’re going to be doing.
Danielle Lous: And also when you are in those projects, you know, instantly, yeah, let’s go. And then your mind comes in, are you sure? And it slows you down and we are so intelligent with our mind.
Just the knowing is even faster.
Chanda Rule: Yeah. Since the theme of the whole podcast series is courage and using our voice, whether it’s our physical voice or our artistic voice courageously, I’m just wondering if you could chat a little bit about this fun and courageousness. I feel like it goes together a bit, right? The fun, the not [00:16:00] thinking and courage. I don’t know. What do you think?
Danielle Lous: Courage is who we be. It’s being really vulnerable and being willing to screw it up. And if you’re willing to, you cannot fail because failure is alive.
Failure is separation from you. You cannot fail ever. Think about all the times that you failed. How often did it go turn out exactly how it was supposed to, or exactly the, the other way that you were thinking about, but it turned out great. Failure is a lie. Separation is a lie. Your natural state of being is joy, like all these little animals out there now in springtime. And it takes courage to be that vulnerable.
It’s just the mind is interfering most of the time. And if you could stop the mind, you will [00:17:00] most likely automatically stop any judgment, the righteousness of your point of view or the addiction of I’m wrong. Who am I here? And then things start flowing. And how often, when you thought you were not courageous, seemingly fearful, you are actually excited.
Cause excitement and fear has the exact same effect on the brain and on the body. So your hands start to feel sweaty. Your heart will beat faster, and we interpreted it as fear. So what if your natural state of being is courageous?
Chanda Rule: Hmm.
Danielle Lous: And then the minute you stop making yourself wrong, you are being courageous because that’s something that’s not common and it takes one to choose it. And then another one and then another one, and then another one, and then another one. And all of a sudden it’s [00:18:00] a movement of possibilities all around the globe.
And are you willing to be that leader? And you are the only one that can truly bring you down.
No one can make you happy. No one can make you sad. It’s all your choice.
Chanda Rule: So, what are some tools that you are using? So for instance, you have someone coming in and they’re like, oh, there’s something that I really want to do, and, I’m kind of stuck with taking the first step, I’m afraid. What is like maybe just one tool?
Danielle Lous: I love asking questions because it’s a universal law.
The minute you start asking questions, doors open. When you ask, Hey, what’s possible here, doors open. So what else is possible would be a first question that you could apply in any situation. In this specific thing you’re just mentioning, I would say, okay.
What do you love about not taking a first step?
Chanda Rule: What do you love about not taking a first step?
Danielle Lous: Yeah. So what do you love about being where you are now? Yeah, no, no, no, no. I don’t love, well, something’s working [00:19:00] otherwise you wouldn’t choose it. So what do you love about that? Well, then I can maybe postpone it a little.
Okay, cool. So what does it bring you to postpone a little? Mostly it’s not about stepping up, being seen, being, um, just jump. A lot of people are afraid of their potency. They think. They’re just holding themselves back.
And what you also can ask yourself, 99% of your thoughts, your feelings and emotions are not even yours. You pick it up.
You’re like a big radio receiver. So what you can also ask is, okay, this procrastination of mine, is it even yours?
And if that lightens up, people can say, oh no. So who are you being? Then I ask. So a lot of people say, oh, my mom has been procrastinating a lot. Or my grandma or my dad, or I couldn’t procrastinate in [00:20:00] their points of view or whatever. And then you can return it to sender with consciousness attached, which doesn’t mean that they get stuck with it.
What would you like to choose? If this connection point that’s basically a limitation point is gone. What if you stopped buying the lie that you’re separate? What if you stop buying the lie that you cannot really step up?
Chanda Rule: Yeah, I’m wondering, I have a question I know that us as individuals make up the community and, but a lot of times I struggled to find how do we take this on in a way that is realistic for the community and nonviolent in the way that it’s presented? Because when it’s presented in a way that doesn’t acknowledge these different systems, then it can become very spiritually violent. And so it’s a challenge because I am, I am so into it. But you know, I do, I struggle with these things.
Danielle Lous: Yeah. The one [00:21:00] thing- and I know it’s challenging -the one thing I’m aware of is that we, as an infinite being, because I have this cute feminine body, but that’s not who I be. This is my body. So if we are infinite beings, like huge as the universe, and we start acting on that knowing, and let’s say you and me together with maybe a bunch of others are really willing to step up first individually and becoming greater and greater and greater.
And we can, I don’t know, buy up the systems and get on top of those. Then we can seep this consciousness in those systems and actually erase them. And this might seem like, oh yes, somewhere on another planet. But what if it isn’t? What if we really are way more powerful than [00:22:00] any system? What if we are like the sun, like melting it down unless we make ourselves small ?And the effect: what if we can be affecting the world? And if we keep on thinking that that’s impossible, then that is what’s showing up. So what can I be, or do here to change that, to change that polarity, to change that separation, to change, to be that change that I know is possible?
And what is it you know, Chanda, that’s possible? And keep on asking questions, hook a brother, up hook a sister up. Now we’re having this podcast. Who’s listening who will also be inspired to take the power and live it, start living it? And then we become this butterfly effect and it will change stuff.
It will because consciousness is always greater than that anti-consciousness and unconsciousness of this destruction that you’ve just touched there. [00:23:00] Consciousness is bigger. You only need one light in a dark room to light it up. And if you are willing and if we are willing to become that light, we start to become a fire.
And eventually the system, it’s already breaking down, that’s why there’s so much going on worldwide. Let’s acknowledge that. And the more consciousness is reigning, the harder unconsciousness has to fight. Everywhere there’s fight for or against, it’s unconsciousness. And then, we’re on the right track.
Something’s changing. What can I be or do to assist that?
Chanda Rule: Yeah.
Danielle Lous: And you are changing the world. You are doing this podcast, you are changing people’s lives. You are making people aware. You’re telling these examples. So we can go beyond it and not be the effect of any system, because you’re stronger than that. We’re all stronger than that.
Chanda Rule: Yeah. And it’s funny [00:24:00] because I believe that at my core, and I forget. So actually, I’m really glad that I did bring it up because I’m like, yeah, I need to be reminded sometimes. And I think we all do.
Danielle Lous: That’s the muscle, that’s the muscle that you matter. You’re here because the world needs you.
So when are you going to choose to be really this powerful potent leader for consciousness?
Chanda Rule: Hmm, this is like the ultimate courageousness.
Danielle Lous: Yeah.
Chanda Rule: Yeah, it is.
Danielle Lous: It is. And you know what?
Sometimes it seems like little steps, but also, trust that whenever you take a small step in your point of view, it has a huge effect. Trust it because the universe has your back. Always.
Chanda Rule: Yeah.
Danielle Lous: Does that lighten you up at all?
Chanda Rule: Oh my God. Lightened in two different ways, like sparkly and [00:25:00] also weight-wise so, thank you. I feel like this is a perfect place to end for now. This was such a wonderful conversation.
Danielle, thank you so much. Thank you for joining me today. Can you tell us where to find you please, online?
Danielle Lous: fabulousbeing.com.
Chanda Rule: Wonderful.
Danielle Lous: Or, daniellelous.com.
Chanda Rule: Okay. Fabulousbeing.com, daniellelous.com. And, um, it’s also @daniellelous on Instagram. When Danielle has a workshop that is available online, please check it out.
Danielle Lous: May 22nd. It’s International Being You Day, and I have a workshop and it’s called Being You in a Relationship, and that’s everywhere.
Chanda Rule: Wonderful.
Danielle Lous: So you can attend online if you’d like.
Chanda Rule: Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you so much.
Danielle Lous: Thank you.