porch meditation | founders blog
I sit on my South Carolina porch
somewhere between the bleak mid-winter and Groundhog Day
half moon, mid-tide, cold and foggy
I ponder my divorce… rather, our divorce
teenage heart throbs, married… too soon?
whole gaggle of kids, stress, debt, expectations
I’m reminded of Humpty-Dumpty
the shell broken and shattered
our private lives oozing into public scrutiny
the shock, the shame
the fear, the freedom
longing for “the way we were”
glad to be away from “the way we were”
“… one less egg to fry
I should be happy
but all I do is cry…”
Did I love?
or did I just want to be loved?
Did I let go because I truly wanted him to be happy?
Or was it me that longed for greener pastures?
How do I navigate through this fog?
My heart is broken
my heart is liberated
and all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
and all the scriptures and songs and poems and therapists
and self-help books, and well-intentioned friends,
can’t put this broken marriage together again.
Jane Chancey Bullard
Jane is a pilgrim on a journey, exploring faith and action beyond the traditional church, open to diverse understandings, and willing to engage in meaningful discussions.